the uncertain future

i'm thinking about scholarships again and sometimes i ask myself, if i don't get a scholarship, will i still be able to get a job after i complete my studies? u know, everything seems so uncertain for me. even though i know that God has a plan for me? but many times i'm just afraid to ask, afraid that God wants something that is totally different from what i want. at this point in time, i'm considering on doing speech therapy. someone said it's a lucrative job. but nah, it's not really the money that i'm looking forward to? but rather, i want a career that allows me to interact with different ppl, able to help those ppl that are in need. then why not med? somehow, i don't really know if i can survive the initial long working hrs. many ppl have been discouraging me from studying med, but at the end of the day, it's up to God!

i think i initially wanted to do med from all the watching of chinese dramas on television, that made doctors look so good and made med look like a very relaxing profession! well, i have to agree that med is a very fulfilling profession, but somehow, i always question myself if i have enough drive and passion to last the many yrs of studying. i won't know it till i've tried it right? but do i even have the guts to try it?

on the otherhand, being a speech therapist isn't a bad idea at all. communication is such an essential part of our lives, and imagine if whatever u said can't be understood, or becomes misinterpreted by others? sometimes, a speech problem can cause u to be laughed at by others, somehow looked down upon perhaps? and won't that person feel inferior and well, kind of afraid to meet ppl? and i'm speaking from real life experience, not that i've been through it myself, but rather, someone close to me. these ppl are sometimes misunderstood because they cannot bring their thoughts across and i guess it takes lots of patience to become a speech therapist.

all these thoughts probably doesn't make sense, it doesn't to me either! i feel like i'm debating within myself, trying to figure out what i would like to do as a career. sigh. it's tough making these decisions, especially when i don't even know how well i'm going to do for As. but whatever it is, the Lord is always good and He will always be there! =)