finally updated! =)

time to update..

when someone can't even start writing a proper personal statement for the medicine course, it calls for that person to sit down and think whether medicine is really the right course.. well, i can't think of any reason of why i want to to medicine, except for the half-hearted "i want to help people". but seriously, that's what i really want to do.. telling that to the interviewing panel or even writing it down in the personal statement would show a serious lack of creativity and originality.. sigh, but what if it's genuine? i guess it's overused by so many people that now it becomes an answer that no interviewer wants to hear (btw, i'm talking abt "i want to help people").

when i can't even think of reasons to do medicine, i think it's time for me to sit down and think and reconsider if medicine is what i really want to do.. i don't think i'm convicted enough to do medicine.. sure, i think i do have the understanding, the compassion, the empathy, but do i have the drive and passion that i so clearly stated in my medicine essay as the most fundamental and important attribute one must have..

well, writing a personal statement is so tough when biology is not even your favourite subject in secondary school, let alone junior college..

maybe i'm just one of the "many students who are more concern with gaining admission into the medicine course" than really pursuing medicine cos of the passion that is burning inside of me.. i know i shouldn't do medicine for the prestige, for the high income, cos all these i've come to learnt from the few jobs that i've tried this many months.. and it's more important to choose something that i will enjoy..

what i really think i will enjoy is a relaxed lifestyle, with the company of family and friends, and with the time to serve in church and attend regular small group =)

the merciless rain!

it was storming sooo heavily in school today! and it's the kind of rain that i haven't seen in like at least a yr! cars that were like 50 m were non-visible except for their headlights.. the rain was sooo merciless! the wind was sooo strong! i was standing at the bus stop, under a shelter, and i got all wet! the the wind just kept blowing sheets and sheets of rain into the bus stop! i was literally soaked from waist down.. and by the time i got onto the mrt, i was drenched and freezing to death! and still, i had to go for tuition! (which was thankfully postponed in the end, but not first without me getting irritated) i was sooo frustrated and irritated that i randomly smsed someone to vent my frustration!!

but at least it's all settled now and i feel relieved more than anything else..

actually, i'm not any happier now.. haha i couldn't solve a pri 6 math qn!! pri 6 math qn audrey!! urgh! haha i feel utterly stupid and brainless =P

mad anna

miss anna choo is sitting here at my table pigging out on my lovely box of chocolate biscuits! and incidentally she is not going to visit me on friday because i'm SOOOO irritating (btw, anna typed that - she's schizo!). also, im very fond of sending anna's brother psycho messages on her phone and sniggering to myself (anna typed this too!). ok this entry is going to be sooo retarded cos anna's adding her two cent's worth! which is full of rubbish! =P to be exact, e bits tt i typed will be sooo retarded cos anna's outstanding wit and eloquence will overshadow my paltry attempts at insulting her. boo hoo hoo.

...

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sian-ness is taking over me..

it's the feeling of emptiness..

sometimes i ask myself if i'm satisfied with my life so far..

other times i ask myself why i'm not like someone else..

i can't wait for today to end, so that tmr will bring with it new joys and hopes!

anyway, it's only the start of the 2nd term, and i'm only going to stop teaching at the end of the term.. 9 more weeks.. sometimes i wish that time would pass by faster..

finally posting again

a lot things in our christian lives is based on faith - we don't for sure that Jesus rose again, but it is the only plausible reason, and by faith we believe it! we don't know for sure if God exists, cos we can't see Him, but again, by faith, we believe that He does!

faith - it's something that really is hard for non-christians to comprehend.. and i guess that's why many people find it hard to accept that a God actually exists..

u know how we christians always believe that God has a plan for us? well, someone just made fun of it this morning on msn (of which i got really irritated!) anyway, he asked another person what is he going to with his life (i deduced that it's cos that person's still single)? anyway, before the other person could answer, he replied saying that oh God has a plan for u and sth to the extent that u just have to trust in Him.. urgh! it's so irritating that he just blatantly used that sentence! i mean, what's the point of saying that when u don't even mean it right??

and well, last week in school i was helping out with the appeal stuff, and there are so many unreasonable people, parents all sounding as if they are the greatest people on earth, and that their kid should be given a place to study in ac! what nonsense! those people really just gets on ur nerves! haha someone said that mothers are so irritating that he doesn't want to find a wife next time! =P and some people are plan weird! they put for eg, jc A as their first choice, got posted to jc A and they were in jc A for the first 3 months, and yet, they want to appeal to ac.. what kind of logic is that? of cos ac won't take them lah! unless they're some son of george bush or sth =P haha

anyway, this week the j1s are having an "only-lecture-week" which means there's no tutorial lessons! =) hmm something nice to look forward to i guess..

jubilation

hurray! it's my second last day of work at cocoa trees (at the airport) *JUBILATION*

haha and i never want to work there again! can literally feel brains rotting!

medicine or speech therapy

medicine or speech therapy? this is the question i've been asking myself these few days as i submitted my aus uni applications..

really, i truly cannot decide which one i want to study.. both has it's pros and cons.. sometimes i wonder if i study med cos it just seems the natural path for a triple science student, that when u've done well for ur A levels, everyone just assumes that u're smart in science and well, med would be good! sometimes i wonder why i want to do med - is it for my personal glory? or is this what God wants me to do?

as i did quiet time yesterday (eh grace, i did my qt! =P), it reminded me that we shouldn't be caught up in achieving our personal goals that we fail to listen to God.. i guess, the only way is really to just pray to God and ask Him.. i know many people are confused as to what to do with their lives.. it's scary just thinking of it cos once u've made ur decision now (at 19), u'll more or less be doing the course and career that u've chosen for the rest of ur life.. and what if i make the wrong decision? what if i choose med and flung out halfway? and what if i can't get into any med sch? sigh.. questions after questions just haunts me =/ it's not that i'm being pessimistic and all, but it's just the reality that i think i'm going to face.. and not everything is going to be so smooth-sailing and happy in the future..

and i was just thinking of overseas study.. i think if i do go, i really am going to miss everything and everyone here at home in singapore.. my family-who's been there for me in moments of happiness and sadness (well, they're the first i called to tell abt my results), as well as tolerating all my tantrums and nonsense.. my friends-whom i've always loved! i can't imagine what i'm going to do without all my friends, they're ppl who i complain to abt other ppl =P, ppl who i ask questions abt stuff when i'm in doubt, and ppl who're just fun to be with! and of cos, my bed and my stuff toys and my room.. i'm going to miss all these things..

....what the heck, i'm not even 10% sure that i'm going overseas to study.. and i'm already thinking abt these things/ppl and missing them already.. sigh what if the day actually comes when i have to leave spore to go overseas to study..........

let that day come (or not come), till then, i'll just enjoy!

thank u..

just came back home and i'm so tired from all the laughing and suaning! i really laughed so hard till i cried! urgh! and i tell u, after spending the afternoon and evening with some of my classmates, i realise that i have only ONE friend in class!! =( and that ONE single friend is a friend only because he sides with underdogs! i really felt sooo loved man! thank u yl april anna marc ben!! yl - for ignoring me thanx! april - for spreading false rumours thanx! anna - u were the nicest today thanx! (but u realise that everything is really only relative!!) marc - for encouraging the rest to talk more nonsense abt me thanx! ben - for trying to side with me thanx! see, i'm still so forgiving and nice! woah!

haha anyway, went for lunch with my classmates and some of our teachers at traders hotel! wow! the portions were super huge! lucky april and i were smart enough and we shared one portion =P (that's all the compliment u're getting btw =P) haha it was quite hilarious during lunch cos ian said that malini was going to treat us along with the other teachers.. so eh, we were discussing how to settle the bill in from of the teachers.. and were like "wpb or tpb" - we pay bill or teachers pay bill!=P haha i didn't come up with this retarded thing btw..

so some of us went to watch robots after lunch and it was really funny! and it was really sweet how the show said sth like, u can shine no matter what u're made of.. well, it's just so true! whatever talents God has given to us, and how He has made us, we must always use what He has given us to SHINE for His glory! =)

i find that i'm blogging very useless stuff now.. maybe i should just stop for a while and maybe find a new enthusiasm in blogging.. oh well.. =\

just a thought

life is really short..

and we should treasure all our love ones..

but what matters most is that we've led a life pleasing to God and no one else! that we've led a life that's God-like..

just a thought..

haha i've just finished my psc essay (well 99% done lah!!) and sent my email to mdm to write my testimonial.. and i feel terribly happy now! =) haha a load off my shoulders!! =) hurray!

and i want to thank a few people for helping me with my psc essay and my "why i want to do medicine" question! (though it's useless but i am extremely happy now i just feel like thanking people!)

diane (ur fav colour =P) thanx for making crap sound so intelligent! i'll rem the "romanticised" ambition in my interview.. though i def won't explicitly say "romanticised"!
fish thanx for providing sanity even when there's none! =P haha i know i'm not making sense, but since when did i ever make sense to begin with?!
inkling (i know it's NOT ur fav colour but it goes well with purple and blue =P) anyway, thanx for being a genius! u know why lah! hahaha!
april for constantly reminding me to "DO UR PSC ESSAY!!" haha! =)

thanx thanx to all these wonderful people! don't think i've missed anyone out right? haha oh yah i want to thank myself! for without me, all the intelligent crap wouldn't be in the essay =P

sitting here in the staff room on the 2nd last day of sch (cos it's founder's day on fri and there'll be no lessons) and feeling very sian now.. it's amazing how time is passing by so quickly that i don't even have a moment to take a step back and reflect on my past 3 months.. the life of a teacher isn't that exciting for me anymore, i guess the novelty of the whole teaching experience for me has worn out.. it's more like a job now i feel.. i know i def don't have the passion to become a teacher.. it's hard! and i've got to admit it.. i have no idea how my teachers survived our class.. i mean, when i walk into a class who's so disinterested in learning and doing their work, how am i going to be all so passionate and enthusiastic? it's just so hard!

*home*

anyway, now that i'm not going to teach the 4 classes anymore for the next term, i felt a little sad as i said my goodbyes to some of the classes.. though they were definitely far from being angels in class, but i guess i'll still miss them.. i'm really looking forward to the one week break and using that time to catch up on rest.. and hopefully i'll be able to store up some energy for the term ahead! heh

well, i've got to finish up a lot of marking tonight and tmr morn cos tmr's the last day of teaching for this term! =) i think i'm really quite happy! and now i must sit down and write my psc essay =\ sigh i'm so lazy!

at the threshold of the future

why why why??

why is everything so uncertain now? i really have no idea what to do..

being human beings, we can easily deceive ourselves into things without even knowing it so we need to be careful about things like "God told me blah blah blah". The only sure place that God speaks is through His Word.

through this long process of deciding what to do, God will never give you quick fix answers.. we wish He can just send us a letter or give us a ring and tell us to do this-and-this course at where-and-where but it's not going to happen. I guess the most important question you have to ask yourself first is what are you seeking? Him? or are there other things that you're pursuing

and you may not acknowledge it immediately so we need to keep reading His word and praying, so that the Holy Spirit can speak to us through the bible and draw us closer to Him. It doesn't matter what you choose to do or where you go really.. God isn't limited by our circumstances.. He cares more about our motivations and heart
-(stole from a conversation with april on msn)

med or speech therapy? i keep asking myself and God the same question.. i can apply for both and end up not getting either, then what am i supposed to do? i never felt so scared in my life.. suddenly i see my whole life before me, waiting to be filled with "things".. and i don't know the "things" that God has in plan for me.. what if the sign that i think is from God is just something coincidental? how am i supposed to know? well like what april said, it's only through prayer and the reading of His word!

(i heard this song at the mg bookfair thing today) and in this time when i'm so unsure of what to do, this song just came into mind again.. the first verse really reminded me again that my future is really in His hands!

Your Word is a light unto my path

Your Love guides me through my darkest night

And even though sometimes Your ways

I cannot understand

I’ll never walk away because my future’s

In Your hands

I don’t care what people will say

I’m running after You

I won’t turn back and go their way

Coz I’m running after You

Yeah I’m running after You

I’m running after You(I will run to You)

I don’t care what people will say

I’m running after You

I won’t turn back and go their way

Coz I’m running after You

Don’t matter what may come my way

I’m running after youIt’s You

I’m following today

I’m running after You

I’m running after You